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10 Reasons Why You Should Be Watching Suburgatory

by Tessa

I’d finished Breaking Bad. The new New Girl was under Hulu embargo. I watched all of Don’ Trust the B*tch in Apt. 23 when I visited Rebecca (it counts as bonding, ok?). Make it Or Break It was sadly cut short in its prime. I still am resisting Gossip Girl for some reason. What was I to do with my “turn off the brain” time?

Then I read an article about Suburgatory. Which I can’t find right now. But it does exist, because it’s too boring of a reason to make up. I felt compelled to watch it, because A. the girl’s name is Tessa, and I have to scrutinize all bearers of my name who appear in popular media B. the article compared it to the WB’s Popular, which I remember liking and should watch again and C. it’s on ABC which is apparently home to all shows that I will become addicted to.  But what, you may ask, is the particular appeal of this show?

1. A Gilmore Girls-style family pairing

In no way are Tessa and George fast-talking homebody small-town bffs like Rory and Lorelai, but they are a father and daughter who have grown up with only each other, have their own inside jokes, and, because George has moved Tessa out to the richie-rich suburbs of Chatswin, NY, they have a us-against-the-world vibe going on. It’s touching to see and a little different than some of the nuclear family stuff or blended family stuff you see on sitcoms.

2. Suburb satire

The cafeteria offerings.

Everyone in Chatswin is obliviously ridiculous and the set designers and writers aren’t afraid to go over the top, while keeping everyone human.  After all, we’re supposed to see why Tessa feels like she’s an alien but also see how she can get used to the Chatswin bubble. So the water fountain in the school has fresh lemons and limes in its holding tank, and prime rib and sushi for lunch. There ends up being a pet kangaroo for one of the characters. Dallas, the lonely wife who commissions a skylight from George only to become his first new Chatswin friend and a strange kind of mother figure for Tessa, opens up a store that sells only crystal, as in blocks of crystal etched with portraits of loved ones, crystal chef hats, and crushed crystal called “Tears from Heaven.” The Halloween episode this season is about “The Witch of Chatswin” who ends up just being… a feminist.  And the bumbling, self-absorbed, but genuinely enthusiastic guidance counselor, Mr. Wolfe, comes out to the student body by saying something like “I’m gay, which means I will now be driving a Mazda Miata.” I think the best part about the absurdity of Chatswin is that it’s not all in your face suburb satire all the time. It comes out in one-off jokes and sub-main plotlines, and no one reacts to it except for Tessa and George, which heightens the feeling that this is real life for these people.  It doesn’t stop to explain itself and that’s funny.

3. A great cast

Although I think Jane Levy is cute as a button, droll, and good at stomping around like a real teenager, she still seems a little too old to be believable. Luckily, the good attributes outweigh the weirdness, Jeremy Sisto and the other main cast members are great (more on that later), and George and Tessa’s next door neighbors played by are Ana Gasteyer and Chris Parnell. Jay Mohr plays Dallas’ oft-travelling husband who is mainly worried about shoes being worn in the house while he’s gone. Mr. Wolfe is played by Rex Lee from Entourage; I don’t know if that means anything to anyone but he’s really funny on this show. Tessa’s next door neighbor and best friend comes to us from Weeds, and even though I’m sad to see that she lost her normal body to become thinner and blonder as the seasons progress, she’s still hilarious and a treat every time she’s on screen, so it hasn’t affected her character. And she did just graduate high school (omg) so I shouldn’t judge at all because bodies are still settling into themselves and forget I said anything.

4. Jeremy Sisto acting funny.

Sisto has played so many douchey characters that it’s surprising to see him play a dad. A normal, slightly neurotic single dad who attempts to make his daughter break a date by planning a surprise board game night with her friends.

And it works! Except when he tries to date Alicia Silverstone. I didn’t buy that at all.

5. The Mean Girls aren’t really mean.

Dalia, the daughter of Dallas and what passes for Tessa’s nemesis, is clearly modeled on Paris Hilton, with her blonde hair, eyes ringed with smudgy black eyeshadow, and deadpan delivery of all her lines, often ending with a crisp “bitch.”  Her minions are, as so often is the trope, foolish followers. No one, though, is really following them, and no one is really their target. (Except for one instance in the pilot episode, and I think the writers realized their misstep after that).

Most people at Chatswin High have their own money and social status, which makes for an almost neutral playing field.  We catch glimpses of nerdy characters, but they are clearly preoccupied with their AP classes, and Tessa, who often interacts with and is therefore insulted by Dalia, has too much self-esteem to let it effect her. Dalia’s insults are more because she has no etiquette or filter between her brain and her mouth, rather than a desire to hurt anyone. If anything, she just wants people to go away because she’s so solipsistic, not have a crowd of worshipers following her. It’s kind of refreshing.

6. Awkward neighbor is not really awkward

Lisa might be my favorite character on Suburgatory. She starts out being a flustered girl who wears a cream-color based palate, accented with tiny flowers, bullied by her controlling mother. Early in the first season we have this exchange at the end of a forced neighborly dinner between the Shays and the Altmans:

Lisa: May I be excused? I’m having a terrible time.

George: What about dessert?

Sheila: Lisa can’t have dessert.

George: Whu-uh, Why not, the sugar?

Sheila: No.

But she slowly takes a page from her own mother’s book and uses it to rebel against her tyrannical reign. And I don’t think it’s all due to Tessa’s Manhattan influence. You can just tell that that spark was living inside of Lisa, waiting to start burning. Everything she says has this undercurrent of plotted derangement, and there’s no episode about how she’s afraid to get a boyfriend. She just gets one, no angst, and proceeds to gross Tessa out with her PDAs.  (And her boyfriend, Malik, is also a funny character. He’s mostly a well-rounded dude who is very into the school paper, but is also part of a Medium fan club and will very occasionally be seen to dress like Patricia Arquette.)

Lisa is disgusted by high fives.

7. Cheryl Hines rocks her character, and has the best accent.

Cheryl Hines plays Dallas, and she imbues the stereotype of a bored trophy wife with real charm.  Then she subverts the stereotype by being a happy-go-lucky loon, not at all weighed down by the grim business of beauty. And she has the weirdest accent that is not southern, but sort of is. If a voice could be “tangy” that would be Dallas’s voice. Here’s the first time we get to hear it:

8. Alan Tudyk’s crazy smile.

9. Jane Levy plays a kind of reverse teenage Carrie Bradshaw/Daria/Cady from Mean Girls hybrid and it somehow works.

Ostensibly Jane Levy’s Tessa is the crux of Suburgatory. It’s her life that is being upended and her voiceover that delivers the Carrie Bradshaw-like homilies at the end of the episode. As you can tell, though, the show is about much more than Tessa.  Instead of a woman embracing the big city and writing about it, Tessa is forced to embrace the suburbs and live… about… it. And instead of being fashion obsessed and finding herself she’s obsessed with being true to herself and not caring about fashion (her outfits are still cute).  She wears motorcycle boots and skirts and plays the outsider/observer, but she’s also not so invested in that role that she won’t become involved in the world of Chatswin. And she’s not too cool — in fact, when she goes out of her way to define her coolness it ends up making her look dorky, and that’s very endearing.  For instance, her favorite band plays at her 16th birthday party and for the first song it’s just her rocking out on the dance floor, with that face that means that you’re REALLY FEELING THIS SONG more than ANYONE ELSE, and when a poetry class is being taught by a tattooed teacher, Tessa trips all over herself to try to be the star pupil, creating a monster of a mother poem in the process.

the I’m Feelin’ It face

Which leads me to my last reason–

10. Because if there’s going to be a character named Tessa on American TV, I’m cool with this one.

51 Comments
by tessabarber on November 10, 2012  •  Permalink
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Posted by tessabarber on November 10, 2012

http://crunchingsandmunchings.wordpress.com/2012/11/10/suburgatory/

Too Much Fun!

Friends,

Happy Monday! This weekend, Tessa came to Philadelphia to visit and we had so much fun. We went to see Bruce Munro’s amazing light display at Longwood Gardens, which I thought were in Delaware and was therefore looking forward to saying “Hi. We’re in Delaware” while there, like in Wayne’s World, but it isn’t. We ate the most perfect meal ever at Amada: manchego cheese with truffled lavender honey, beef shortrib flatbread with horseradish and bacon, patatas bravas, lamb meatballs with truffle oil and pea shoots, and cocktails named after Pedro Almodóvar movies. We went to the art museum and I got to see my favorite room there (Cy Twombly) and Tessa got to see one of her favorites (Marcel Duchamp), made penny wishes in fountains, discussed how Medieval artists seem to portray Jesus with more ribs than people really have, and looked at armor. We rocked out to show tunes at a gay piano bar and Tessa killed it with “Where or When.” [ed. note: "killed it" is kind of Rebecca to say, but it was fun. - T.]

Cy Twombly    Marcel Duchamp

So much fun, in fact, that we couldn’t possibly stop to write about young adult literature. But never fear—we’ll be back on Wednesday with more YA lit than you can shake a stick at! (Also, while we were at the museum we were pretending that we were the kids in From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler and that we were going to be locked in the museum. Tessa would touch the Brancusi statues and I would climb on the armored horse.)

5 Comments
by Rebecca on August 27, 2012  •  Permalink
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Posted by Rebecca on August 27, 2012

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Ride the Roller Coaster of YA Lit!

A List of YAmusement, Part II

By REBECCA, with critical input from THE INIMITABLE JP-G, July 20, 2012

Carousel

As I said in Part I of YAmusement, I want there to be a whole amusement park full of rides based on awesome Young Adult novels! I mean, who would choose to go on regular carousel when they could go on the Tithe carousel with its Nine Inch Nails-inspired carousel music? NO ONE I WOULD WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH, that’s who. So, because it was too much awesome for one post, here is Part II of List of YAmusement!

 

6. Flowers In the Attic Tower of Terror

Flowers In the Attic V.C. AndrewsI’m not ashamed to say that I would ride the Hades out of any Flowers In the Attic ride. This one, I think, should be like the Tower of Terror, only it’s set in the mansion of Foxworth Hall. As the elevator rises, you see the opulent setting of the ballroom, go up through Corinne’s room, with its many party dresses and pearl necklaces, then higher and higher, until you end up in the attic, where you are dropped off amidst the detritus of kid’s toys, a chemistry set, ballet records, powdered-sugar doughnuts—you know the drill. Finally, when you can’t stand being up there anymore you climb out the window and into the second part of the ride, which drops thrillingly to ground level, as if you were the Dollanganger children escaping to safety!

 

7. The Secret Circle‘s Crowhaven Road Swings

The Secret Circle L.J. SmithAs I have made clear in my review, I adore L.J. Smith’s The Secret Circle books. My first thought was to do a ride that tied in with the Salem Witch trials, but, really, no schlocky theme ride could possible capture the magical, delightful feeling of reading The Secret Circle books. Nothing could! Except, perhaps, the glorious sensation of being suspended and flying! So, I think it should be a swing ride. The swings are one of my favorite amusement park rides, especially when they aren’t full, so you can pretend you’re up there by yourself. The Crowhaven Road Swings will have Black John’s huge crystal skull in the very middle, against a backdrop of the magical elements: earth, water, fire, and air. Then the swings will be divided into the colors that correspond with the aspects of women that the girls celebrate in their Hecate ceremony in book three: red, for passion (Faye), orange, for beauty (Suzan), yellow, for courage (Deborah—I LOVE YOU, DEBORAH!), green, for wisdom (Melanie), blue, for inspiration (Cassie), purple, for compassion (Laurel), and white for purity (duh, Diana).

 

8. Uglies Hoverboard to the Smoke

Uglies Scott WesterfeldWhen I first read Scott Westerfeld’s Uglies series, I basically pictured the trip to the Smoke as an amusement park ride, so I will be thrilled to make it come to life in our YAmusement Park. The hoverboards will work just like the ones in Uglies—they’ll run above metal. Your feet will be locked in, like a snowboard, so you can’t slide off, and there will be special track looping and twisting about 50 feet above the whole YAmusement Park so the route for the hoverboarders to fly takes them over all the rides. Then, when they get near the end of the track, there will be a place where the track breaks open and the hoverboarders’ footholds automatically unlock, dropping them into one of two places (you get to choose when you first lock your feet in): either into a refreshing pond for a dip, or onto a plushy air mattress.

 

9. Sideways Stories From Wayside School Wacky Mini-Coaster

Sideways Stories From Wayside School Louis SacharThere have to be a few rides specifically geared toward the middle graders. In Louis Sachar’s Sideways Stories From Wayside School (which taught me about absurdism as a child) Wayside School has accidentally been built with its 30 one-room stories stacked on top of one another, and bizarre things are happening in every one of them, especially the 13th floor. There is no 13th floor. So, this mini-coaster would wrap around and go through the different stories of Wayside School (with a brief stop in the cafeteria for a snack, if you’re truly brave!). It has little cars that seat 2-4 people, and will start in the playground and twine up through the school, with small hills and twists throughout. The mini-coaster will end up on the 30th floor, in Mrs. Jewls’ classroom, where each car will then get to choose its own adventure back down. You can choose to take a bumpy ride down through the non-existent 13th floor, climb out Mrs. Jewls’ window and float down like all the stuff the kids throw out the window in the book, or take your chances on the huge carpet slide that runs down the stairs of the whole school!

 

10. Dangerous Angels Light Show & Concert

Dangerous Angels Weetzie Bat Francesca Lia BlockThis would be an event that would take place after dark in the park at the center of the amusement park. There would be an organically-designed concert shell so that the music would carry through the whole park. The park has lots of huge old trees that we can creep through or climb or recline under; there are art nouveau benches scattered around, and plenty of space on the luscious grass to spread blankets. Along the outside edges of the park are food carts selling every kind of food you can imagine, and drink carts selling everything from ginger ale to the whizziest, sparkliest cocktails you can imagine. As the sun sets, the first strains of music begin—bands covering all the best seventies and eighties punk that Weetzie loves, and doing super rearranged versions of the songs, too. Then, when it’s fully dark, The Goat Guys will take the stage, and play until they can play no more. While they play, we will frolic, climb trees, stuff our faces, make out, and then fall, exhausted, onto our picnic blankets, where we’ll stare up at the sky, where an epic light show (Pink Floyd Laser Light Show, eat your heart out!) will flicker through the trees! And if we happen to fall asleep there all night, NO PROBLEM, because at my YAmusement Park, why wouldn’t you want to stay for another day?

There is no end to how glorious our YAmusement Park can become!

3 Comments
by Rebecca on July 20, 2012  •  Permalink
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Posted by Rebecca on July 20, 2012

http://crunchingsandmunchings.wordpress.com/2012/07/20/ride-the-the-roller-coaster-of-young-adult-lit/

What If Young Adult Books Were Amusement Park Rides!?

A List of YAmusement, Part I

By REBECCA, with critical input from THE INIMITABLE JP-G, July 16, 2012

Coney Island the Cyclone

I love amusement park rides, especially roller coasters. But, most of them aren’t very . . . interesting. Instead of Pirates of the freaking Caribbean, I want there to be an entire amusement park filled with rides and attractions based on young adult fiction! So, here is the half of a list of young adultishness that would make wicked awesome rides:

1. Ender’s Game Laser Tag

Ender's Game Orson Scott CardSo, obviously, this would be the best game ever! Who cares about bumper cars when you can shoot people? The battle room is the heart of battle training in Ender’s Game, and every time I read the book I’m more convinced of how fun it would be (I mean, if it were a game; not if I were going to become an unwitting instrument of genocide). This laser tag space would be a simulation of the battle room. Each player would get a laser gun and a vest showing which army (team) they belonged to, and they would be released into a big room where they could float. Then they’d, you know, battle. I’m excited to see how they render the battle room in the Ender’s Game movie . . .

2. The White Witch’s Sleigh Ride from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe C.S. Lewis

In The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, the White Witch burns some serious rubber in her sleigh. I mean, sure the thing has luscious furs and scrumptious Turkish Delight sometimes, but really it’s like the White Witch’s evil steed. So, this would be a roller coaster where each car was a 4-person sleigh and the tracks are made to look like glittering ice. Jets of cool air would blow onto the riders from the sleigh and the tracks to make it seem more wintry. And there would be a camera that automatically takes your picture at the apex of the biggest hill; the track above the heads of the riders will be rigged so that in the picture it looks like each rider is wearing a big, sparkly White Witch crown.

3. Harriet the Spy Hide & Seek

Harriet the Spy Louise FitzhughHarriet M. Welsch is one of my favorite characters ever (I even went as her for Halloween one year in college), and as a kid I, too, used to love creeping around places I shouldn’t have been. But, unlike Harriet, I was always too afraid to spy on actual people because I was scared to get caught. Harriet the Spy Hide & Seek would take place on a set with several locations through which the Harriets would roam and the Spycatchers would pursue them. The goal for the Harriets would be to escape the space, and the goal for the Spycatchers would be to catch one. There would be several ways that Harriets could escape, like an elevator shaft, as when Harriet spies on the rich lady who never gets out of bed, and a rooftop skylight, like when Harriet spies on the man who makes the birdcages.

4. Tithe Carousel

Tithe Holly BlackOne of my favorite images from Holly Black’s Tithe is of the carousel horse that becomes enchanted. I love carousels, especially really ornate, gilded, old ones, and I especially like the ones with all different animals on them. As a kid, I always wanted to choose the highest animal on the carousel, but I didn’t want to hurt any of their feelings. So, the Tithe carousel would be extremely ornate, but a little bit faded and busted (it is a New Jersey horse, after all), and it would have all different kinds of animals: horses, of course, but also wolves and lions and bears and octopi! And, of course, the animals would move as if they were alive, and the carousel would move a little faster than they usually do. The music would sound like classic carousel music rendered by Nine Inch Nails.

Here I am with my sister, The Inimitable JP-G, on a carousel we came across in Paris a few years ago!

5. Divergent Dauntless Test

Divergent Veronica RothI’m definitely not a Dauntless by nature, but I would sure as hell participant in some safe Dauntless shenanigans! This “test” will begin with a climb up to the top of the old Ferris wheel, like Tris does when she’s scouting during capture the flag (only you’ll have a rock climbing harness); when you get to the top, you climb into a car and ride the Ferris wheel down to the ground. Then, you follow the path into the busted building and take the elevator to the roof (I mean, I’m not climbing stairs at my amusement part; this is supposed to be fun). When you get to the roof, you get into a fabric sling, and then you get tossed off the roof and you sail down along the cable in a zip line (omigod, I’m so excited about that part) to ground level. Once you’ve caught your breath, you board the train to take you back to ride’s exit. When you see the exit, you jump off the train! And land on lovely cushiony softness so you can’t actually die.

So, what do you think? Would you come to my YAmusement Park? Read Part II of the list here!

7 Comments
by Rebecca on July 16, 2012  •  Permalink
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Posted by Rebecca on July 16, 2012

http://crunchingsandmunchings.wordpress.com/2012/07/16/what-if-young-adult-books-were-amusement-park-rides/

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