A List of YAmusement, Part II
By REBECCA, with critical input from THE INIMITABLE JP-G, July 20, 2012
As I said in Part I of YAmusement, I want there to be a whole amusement park full of rides based on awesome Young Adult novels! I mean, who would choose to go on regular carousel when they could go on the Tithe carousel with its Nine Inch Nails-inspired carousel music? NO ONE I WOULD WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH, that’s who. So, because it was too much awesome for one post, here is Part II of List of YAmusement!
6. Flowers In the Attic Tower of Terror
I’m not ashamed to say that I would ride the Hades out of any Flowers In the Attic ride. This one, I think, should be like the Tower of Terror, only it’s set in the mansion of Foxworth Hall. As the elevator rises, you see the opulent setting of the ballroom, go up through Corinne’s room, with its many party dresses and pearl necklaces, then higher and higher, until you end up in the attic, where you are dropped off amidst the detritus of kid’s toys, a chemistry set, ballet records, powdered-sugar doughnuts—you know the drill. Finally, when you can’t stand being up there anymore you climb out the window and into the second part of the ride, which drops thrillingly to ground level, as if you were the Dollanganger children escaping to safety!
7. The Secret Circle‘s Crowhaven Road Swings
As I have made clear in my review, I adore L.J. Smith’s The Secret Circle books. My first thought was to do a ride that tied in with the Salem Witch trials, but, really, no schlocky theme ride could possible capture the magical, delightful feeling of reading The Secret Circle books. Nothing could! Except, perhaps, the glorious sensation of being suspended and flying! So, I think it should be a swing ride. The swings are one of my favorite amusement park rides, especially when they aren’t full, so you can pretend you’re up there by yourself. The Crowhaven Road Swings will have Black John’s huge crystal skull in the very middle, against a backdrop of the magical elements: earth, water, fire, and air. Then the swings will be divided into the colors that correspond with the aspects of women that the girls celebrate in their Hecate ceremony in book three: red, for passion (Faye), orange, for beauty (Suzan), yellow, for courage (Deborah—I LOVE YOU, DEBORAH!), green, for wisdom (Melanie), blue, for inspiration (Cassie), purple, for compassion (Laurel), and white for purity (duh, Diana).
8. Uglies Hoverboard to the Smoke
When I first read Scott Westerfeld’s Uglies series, I basically pictured the trip to the Smoke as an amusement park ride, so I will be thrilled to make it come to life in our YAmusement Park. The hoverboards will work just like the ones in Uglies—they’ll run above metal. Your feet will be locked in, like a snowboard, so you can’t slide off, and there will be special track looping and twisting about 50 feet above the whole YAmusement Park so the route for the hoverboarders to fly takes them over all the rides. Then, when they get near the end of the track, there will be a place where the track breaks open and the hoverboarders’ footholds automatically unlock, dropping them into one of two places (you get to choose when you first lock your feet in): either into a refreshing pond for a dip, or onto a plushy air mattress.
9. Sideways Stories From Wayside School Wacky Mini-Coaster
There have to be a few rides specifically geared toward the middle graders. In Louis Sachar’s Sideways Stories From Wayside School (which taught me about absurdism as a child) Wayside School has accidentally been built with its 30 one-room stories stacked on top of one another, and bizarre things are happening in every one of them, especially the 13th floor. There is no 13th floor. So, this mini-coaster would wrap around and go through the different stories of Wayside School (with a brief stop in the cafeteria for a snack, if you’re truly brave!). It has little cars that seat 2-4 people, and will start in the playground and twine up through the school, with small hills and twists throughout. The mini-coaster will end up on the 30th floor, in Mrs. Jewls’ classroom, where each car will then get to choose its own adventure back down. You can choose to take a bumpy ride down through the non-existent 13th floor, climb out Mrs. Jewls’ window and float down like all the stuff the kids throw out the window in the book, or take your chances on the huge carpet slide that runs down the stairs of the whole school!
10. Dangerous Angels Light Show & Concert
This would be an event that would take place after dark in the park at the center of the amusement park. There would be an organically-designed concert shell so that the music would carry through the whole park. The park has lots of huge old trees that we can creep through or climb or recline under; there are art nouveau benches scattered around, and plenty of space on the luscious grass to spread blankets. Along the outside edges of the park are food carts selling every kind of food you can imagine, and drink carts selling everything from ginger ale to the whizziest, sparkliest cocktails you can imagine. As the sun sets, the first strains of music begin—bands covering all the best seventies and eighties punk that Weetzie loves, and doing super rearranged versions of the songs, too. Then, when it’s fully dark, The Goat Guys will take the stage, and play until they can play no more. While they play, we will frolic, climb trees, stuff our faces, make out, and then fall, exhausted, onto our picnic blankets, where we’ll stare up at the sky, where an epic light show (Pink Floyd Laser Light Show, eat your heart out!) will flicker through the trees! And if we happen to fall asleep there all night, NO PROBLEM, because at my YAmusement Park, why wouldn’t you want to stay for another day?
There is no end to how glorious our YAmusement Park can become!