A List of YAmusement, Part I
By REBECCA, with critical input from THE INIMITABLE JP-G, July 16, 2012
I love amusement park rides, especially roller coasters. But, most of them aren’t very . . . interesting. Instead of Pirates of the freaking Caribbean, I want there to be an entire amusement park filled with rides and attractions based on young adult fiction! So, here is the half of a list of young adultishness that would make wicked awesome rides:
1. Ender’s Game Laser Tag
So, obviously, this would be the best game ever! Who cares about bumper cars when you can shoot people? The battle room is the heart of battle training in Ender’s Game, and every time I read the book I’m more convinced of how fun it would be (I mean, if it were a game; not if I were going to become an unwitting instrument of genocide). This laser tag space would be a simulation of the battle room. Each player would get a laser gun and a vest showing which army (team) they belonged to, and they would be released into a big room where they could float. Then they’d, you know, battle. I’m excited to see how they render the battle room in the Ender’s Game movie . . .
2. The White Witch’s Sleigh Ride from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
In The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, the White Witch burns some serious rubber in her sleigh. I mean, sure the thing has luscious furs and scrumptious Turkish Delight sometimes, but really it’s like the White Witch’s evil steed. So, this would be a roller coaster where each car was a 4-person sleigh and the tracks are made to look like glittering ice. Jets of cool air would blow onto the riders from the sleigh and the tracks to make it seem more wintry. And there would be a camera that automatically takes your picture at the apex of the biggest hill; the track above the heads of the riders will be rigged so that in the picture it looks like each rider is wearing a big, sparkly White Witch crown.
3. Harriet the Spy Hide & Seek
Harriet M. Welsch is one of my favorite characters ever (I even went as her for Halloween one year in college), and as a kid I, too, used to love creeping around places I shouldn’t have been. But, unlike Harriet, I was always too afraid to spy on actual people because I was scared to get caught. Harriet the Spy Hide & Seek would take place on a set with several locations through which the Harriets would roam and the Spycatchers would pursue them. The goal for the Harriets would be to escape the space, and the goal for the Spycatchers would be to catch one. There would be several ways that Harriets could escape, like an elevator shaft, as when Harriet spies on the rich lady who never gets out of bed, and a rooftop skylight, like when Harriet spies on the man who makes the birdcages.
4. Tithe Carousel
One of my favorite images from Holly Black’s Tithe is of the carousel horse that becomes enchanted. I love carousels, especially really ornate, gilded, old ones, and I especially like the ones with all different animals on them. As a kid, I always wanted to choose the highest animal on the carousel, but I didn’t want to hurt any of their feelings. So, the Tithe carousel would be extremely ornate, but a little bit faded and busted (it is a New Jersey horse, after all), and it would have all different kinds of animals: horses, of course, but also wolves and lions and bears and octopi! And, of course, the animals would move as if they were alive, and the carousel would move a little faster than they usually do. The music would sound like classic carousel music rendered by Nine Inch Nails.
5. Divergent Dauntless Test
I’m definitely not a Dauntless by nature, but I would sure as hell participant in some safe Dauntless shenanigans! This “test” will begin with a climb up to the top of the old Ferris wheel, like Tris does when she’s scouting during capture the flag (only you’ll have a rock climbing harness); when you get to the top, you climb into a car and ride the Ferris wheel down to the ground. Then, you follow the path into the busted building and take the elevator to the roof (I mean, I’m not climbing stairs at my amusement part; this is supposed to be fun). When you get to the roof, you get into a fabric sling, and then you get tossed off the roof and you sail down along the cable in a zip line (omigod, I’m so excited about that part) to ground level. Once you’ve caught your breath, you board the train to take you back to ride’s exit. When you see the exit, you jump off the train! And land on lovely cushiony softness so you can’t actually die.
So, what do you think? Would you come to my YAmusement Park? Read Part II of the list here!